breaking point...

the latest bullsh!t...it's been a while since i've posted anything so i figured i'd post an update.  nothing has really changed.  i try to remain calm at all times but sometimes the emotions get the best of me.  my ex like to work the system like it's his dirty little $10 whore and i'm the one that ends up getting screwed.  so...we had a section added into our custody agreement regarding family parties and our daughter being able to attend them if we give two weeks notice regarding the event and we were in agreement to it.  so since the last time i tried to send him certified letters and he chose not to pick them up from the post office because he knew they were from me...this time i thought...hmmmm...i'll send it from my lawyer to his lawyer so he's sure to get it...i sent it one month beforehand so he had sufficient time to process this in his tiny little brain.  well...yesterday...4 days before the event...i still hadn't heard from him and could not get in contact with my attorney so i emailed him and simply stated that i wanted to verify that he and his attorney received my letter and to confirm the time for pick up.  well holy hell how convenient that he says he never received any letter and proceeded to ask what it was regarding.  i told him to contact his attorney.  then later in the evening we spoke on the phone and he just yells and yells about why would i send a letter through the lawyers and that it's supposed to be between the two of us.  well my little brained puppet friend...when i tried doing things that way you don't want to take the calls or pick up the mail i send so i figured the most efficient way to contact one another was through lawyers.  i didn't make it that way...who hired an attorney first *clears throat* so at the end of the conversation it ended with me tell him he is a liar and letting him know we will be going back to court.  he doesn't want to follow any part of this agreement unless it's in his favor only.  it just seems like i keep getting the shitty end of the stick every page i turn with this agreement and his favorite line is "your lawyer drew this up" yeah...fuckface...but you agreed to all the terms and now you want to fight me on a weekend that our child was looking forward to family functions with her cousins who she barely gets to see...ri.dic.u.lous!!!  so...i'm thinking i'm going to try to get the custody battle transferred to the county i live in and see about full custody this time.  i just can't deal sometimes.  i try to examine my own feelings and figure out the exact thing i'm feeling...it's not always anger...sometimes it's deeper than that.  i try to really dig deep and think...am i really angry or upset about THIS ISSUE...or does it run deeper...am i just still hurt by all of this...am i jealous for some reason...do i still love him...did i make the right choice for me and my kids...will my life ever be ok...will i always burst into tears out of nowhere because of this whole ordeal...will the sheriff decide to leave the emotional trainwreck that is me...i just don't know which way i'm going sometimes...i worry constantly...what mean trick will him and HF use if i try to get full custody...am i strong enough to get through another few years of this...i know i'm strong...but when is my breaking point???