puppet master

i should have known not to trust.  i'm too good a person.  well i have said i'm done being nice before...but i really am gonna fuck his world up the ass now.  i have a giant 12 inch black dildo that has his name on it...first of all last tax season i text him (because he doesn't take phone calls from me) and asked what we were doing regarding taxes...were we filing married, married but separated, or just separate completely.  well he proceeded to tell me at that time that he already filed and he already claimed our daughter.  well...bygoshbygolly...spit in my eye...it's not like we couldn't have come to some kind of agreement as grown adults.  but when someone takes your power completely from you for so long...and continues to do it after you aren't even together anymore...it tends to make one a bit bitter.  so we came to a (my mistake) verbal agreement that we would alternate years...dammit all i knew i should have gotten that shit it writing!!!  so i sent him a text last tuesday asking if we were still in agreement about alternating years and that this is my year.  well i knew when i got no response that...how do you say...IT WAS ON!  i already had all the info entered when i sent that first text...then i sent one asking if he got my last text...still no response...then i sent one saying...i was trying to keep things courteous between us but just so you know i already filed taxes and i claimed her.  still no response...nothing all week.  not even a text asking me to have our daughter call him.  so strange.  what a coward.  so sunday on our normal child exchange day he came to pick her up and i asked him face to face and he got awkward and said "well i guess we'll find out when there's an audit" so i being the nice person (somewhat naive when it comes to evil people) told him that i couldn't believe that he would do that and that we had an agreement.  then the anger came and i told him that we'll be married for another 2 years because he can't refinance to get my name off the house...i know...but it felt good.  i also told him loudly (with horseface in the car with the window down) that he won't be able to get remarried until we are divorced so good luck with that.  sigh...i hate when i let him get me upset...i think it's more that i get upset that i always want to see the best in people and i always find myself hurt and disappointed in the end.  people are just furking assholes.  ahhh...my little marionet...and his puppet master...i remember when i was the puppet master...and i remember cutting the strings after i got pissed on.  horse face...he's all yours...don't come crying to me when he's screwing you over with his 3rd wife pulling the strings!!!

a glimpse into divorce...written 5/26/10

you can spend a lifetime with someone and never really know them...i spent almost 10 years of my life building a life with a man that was so weak that when things got difficult he found himself in another woman's arms. yes i was the one that left...but i didn't walk away...i was trying to work on it and fight for it and like i said before it was easier to start something new than it was to fix what was clearly broken. i want to trust again...i want to love again...but can i get past that hurt? can you get past the hurt that was caused by someone that had your trust in their own hands and your tears on their heart...when i see him he can't even bring himself to look in my eyes or say hello...how can you say that what we had meant nothing when we loved each other enough to create life together??? i can honestly say that leaving that coward was the best thing i ever did with my life. how can i respect a man that can't even show human decency to a woman he once loved. it's true what they say...listen to the way a man speaks of his mother because it truly will show you how he will someday treat you. i wish i had listened to my heart the first time he spoke ill of his mother. and now to see how easily he can be controlled by this new woman that he's willing to sabotage the relationship with his child's mother all for a piece of ass...it's true it's a powerful thing and some men are too weak to see past it.

The Recorder

so just sitting here knee deep in the bullshit called my ex...thinking back on different things that have happened since our separation in October of 2008.  i found myself reminiscing about the time him and his new chippy of only 3 weeks (at the time) decided they were going to try to catch me saying something incriminating...ya know...like i'll be there at 6 to pick up my daughter...or how could you just give up on 8 years of something we built together for 3 weeks.  anyway...so i remember it like it was yesterday...having a conversation about all of the time we were together and everything we had been through and how he was just so willing to give it up.  he insisted that the new girl in his life who will be referred to from here on out as "horseface" or HF for short...was indeed his soulmate.  i assured him that she was his soulmate just as i had been his soulmate 8 years ago up until about 4 weeks prior.  so out of nowhere i keep hearing this strange beep every 10 to 20 seconds and at first i didn't think anything of it...and then it suddenly popped in my of course hungover head that he was furking recording the call.  so i ever so nicely yelled "ARE YOU RECORDING ME!?!?!" and he kindly (can you sense the sarcasm in the text?) stated "yes"  and then of course i proceeded to explain to him that it wouldn't hold up in court because firstly...i wasn't saying anything that any normal human being wouldn't have said...and secondly i believe it's illegal to record someone without them knowing...making it useless anyway.  ahhh...the brilliance of as i like to call him my "partially retarded" ex.  i mean that with absolutely no offense to anyone that is in fact partially retarded...because it is more an insult to them than it is to him.  needless to say...that was probably the last time we had anything that even closely resembled a normal phone conversation.