a glimpse into divorce...written 5/26/10

you can spend a lifetime with someone and never really know them...i spent almost 10 years of my life building a life with a man that was so weak that when things got difficult he found himself in another woman's arms. yes i was the one that left...but i didn't walk away...i was trying to work on it and fight for it and like i said before it was easier to start something new than it was to fix what was clearly broken. i want to trust again...i want to love again...but can i get past that hurt? can you get past the hurt that was caused by someone that had your trust in their own hands and your tears on their heart...when i see him he can't even bring himself to look in my eyes or say hello...how can you say that what we had meant nothing when we loved each other enough to create life together??? i can honestly say that leaving that coward was the best thing i ever did with my life. how can i respect a man that can't even show human decency to a woman he once loved. it's true what they say...listen to the way a man speaks of his mother because it truly will show you how he will someday treat you. i wish i had listened to my heart the first time he spoke ill of his mother. and now to see how easily he can be controlled by this new woman that he's willing to sabotage the relationship with his child's mother all for a piece of ass...it's true it's a powerful thing and some men are too weak to see past it.

The Recorder

so just sitting here knee deep in the bullshit called my ex...thinking back on different things that have happened since our separation in October of 2008.  i found myself reminiscing about the time him and his new chippy of only 3 weeks (at the time) decided they were going to try to catch me saying something incriminating...ya know...like i'll be there at 6 to pick up my daughter...or how could you just give up on 8 years of something we built together for 3 weeks.  anyway...so i remember it like it was yesterday...having a conversation about all of the time we were together and everything we had been through and how he was just so willing to give it up.  he insisted that the new girl in his life who will be referred to from here on out as "horseface" or HF for short...was indeed his soulmate.  i assured him that she was his soulmate just as i had been his soulmate 8 years ago up until about 4 weeks prior.  so out of nowhere i keep hearing this strange beep every 10 to 20 seconds and at first i didn't think anything of it...and then it suddenly popped in my of course hungover head that he was furking recording the call.  so i ever so nicely yelled "ARE YOU RECORDING ME!?!?!" and he kindly (can you sense the sarcasm in the text?) stated "yes"  and then of course i proceeded to explain to him that it wouldn't hold up in court because firstly...i wasn't saying anything that any normal human being wouldn't have said...and secondly i believe it's illegal to record someone without them knowing...making it useless anyway.  ahhh...the brilliance of as i like to call him my "partially retarded" ex.  i mean that with absolutely no offense to anyone that is in fact partially retarded...because it is more an insult to them than it is to him.  needless to say...that was probably the last time we had anything that even closely resembled a normal phone conversation.